Transcripts/Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!)
Thomas: (to the tune of, Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley) Neville gonna give you up, Neville gonna let you down, Neville gonna turn around and-- Joan: (offscreen) *points a wand at Thomas* Petrificus Totalus! Thomas: *Instantly freezes and falls backward* *Sanders Sides intro* Thomas: WHAT IS UP EVERYBODY? Goodness, can you believe how far through this year we've already gotten? Summer is basically over, school is starting back up here in America and Halloween is just around the corner! Logan: Ah, Halloween. Is that the reason for your new, um... plum-pigmented pili? Thomas: Logan, look at YOU with the purple hair! It is very becoming. Logan: Becoming a nuisance? Is that what you were trying to say? How is anyone meant to take me seriously when your head looks like Barney's unshaven armpit? Thomas: Nah I like it, and it's not for Halloween by the way. Logan: Just to make me look foolish then, huh Thomas? Well, congratulations on graduating to full-time clown -sarcastically claps- Patton: Congratulations on the cool colorful crown! Logan: Yeah. Well, your sincere, congratulatory remark recolors my sardonic slight and makes it appear sincere. Let it be known I do not like the hair. Thomas: You know, for some reason, not surprised that you like it, Patton. Patton: Whatever makes you happy, I see a little peri-twinkle in your iris. Two different pur-- shades of purple. Roman: It is a brilliant iridescent display, though I still say you could have gone with even MORE colors. Full rainbow next time! Patton: -gasps- Logan: Awful idea. Thomas: Oh I'm already full rainbow all the time. Ayyy! Roman: What? You did not! Anyway, where's Virgil? I wanna see what good ol' “Panic! At The Everywhere” has to say about this. Patton: -gasps- Yes! Thomas: -chuckles- Yeah, he definitely does have something to say. (in a little baby voice) Virgil, you wanna come out? Come out this way and see what people think of the hair? Virgil: -groan- Roman: YASS BOI. Get it. Patton: YESS! -snaps fingers- Thomas: Hey dude... that's, I don't know why I said that... what do you- what do you have to say? Virgil: Look, you know me by now, you know I'm gonna have some concerns. Thomas: And that's ok, what's up? Virgil: It's just, you don't know what people are thinking, or saying about it. Thomas: Yeah I will always have that little bit of nervousness about what people think of my appearance, colored hair or not. But, honestly, I'm happy with the changeup. Patton: If you're looking for a reason Logan it makes Thomas happy! And isn't good mental health an important reason? Logan: (reluctantly)... -inhales- Yeah. Roman: It certainly helps me think of a few new possibilities for the great selfie games. Virgil: And, I guess there is sort of a… uh… dark edginess to it, like… one of those…. Crayola crayon… Halloween packs. Roman: THAT is your standard for dark edginess? Virgil: I-I don't know! I'm just trying not to bring the group down here. Patton: (emotional) You only help to lift me up, you sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling. Virgil: ...what? Thomas: Shh- e, hmm, just nod and agree. He has a lot of love to give. Virgil: Well all I'm saying is... Thomas, in your past it's been far easier to just blend in. When you make yourself stand out like this, yeah it CAN be good, but a lot of times... it can be... not so good. Logan: He's trying not to be harsh so as not to be too distressing, but he is the source of your anxiety, this is odd, HE is odd. Thomas: Logan- Logan:-BUT he does have a point, might one's effort to find happiness in unique self-expression lead to the unhappy result of being the odd one out? Thomas: I mean yeah I see the concern, but I don't think that should keep us from taking that risk. If it's not hurting me or others, sometimes being the odd one out can be... fun. Virgil: Speak for yourself. Being the odd one out was my whole presence here and it was not fun. Roman: AH HA! That is the crux of this issue. Virgil is a little too familiar with rejection and has had his fill. Virgil: What? No! Roman: He doesn't realize that sometimes standing out can feel outstanding! And I would know. Thomas: Well... shoot maybe we need to make you feel included as a valued part of me so that you don't feel wrong for being different. Logan: Roman that was... astute. Roman: I know! Logan: And you used the word iridescence earlier, you are on a clever streak today which is unusual, for you. Roman: I know- wait what Patton: TONKS! Roman: GOSH! I literally almost took your whole face out. Thomas: Patton, you now have our attention. Patton: That's what your hair reminds me of, Nymphadora Tonks, the metamorphmagous from Harry Potter. Logan: OK, both of you with your big words today, stealing my thing... no big deal. Thomas: HARRY POTTER! Roman: DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?! Right? Is that what you were quoting from like Dumbledore from the fourth movie like what was that? It was such a weird line translation from the book to the-the movie... No? Thomas: Uh, it was more of a Harry Potter-themed idea I had just now but that was um... that was great... Roman: Aww... I know. Thomas: Virgil, Harry Potter was this amazing book series that combined magic and fantasy and giant trolls and like troll bogies Virgil: Yeah I know what Harry Potter is. Thomas: BUT it also gave us this really cool system that helps us figure out where we fit in. Patton: Oh I can SORT of see where you're going with this Thomas. Thomas: HATS off to you, Patton. Patton: (in a low, serious voice) Aragog. A ginormous spider in the Harry Potter universe. Thomas: What- what? No- Patton: He's terrifying and no matter where we all fit in... we are all his prey. Thomas: That... was NOT where I was going with that, Patton, but point well made. Patton: He must be stopped. Thomas: Hogwarts houses. In the books, the students get sorted into four different Hogwarts houses based off of the qualities that they exhibit. Patton: Oh that makes more sense. Logan: Oh ok so you're saying this magical, some may say nonsensical, talking head-wear sorting system could be of use to us? Thomas: Well, although simply being a device in the books, people reading them also began to be curious as to where they may be sorted if they went to Hogwarts and a lot of Harry Potter house quizzes started appearing online. It sort of helped to promote this idea that we may be different, but we're all valued and important and all part of the same school. Logan: But the school's not real. Roman: It was a metaphor, Erlyn Mire trash. Patton: Oh SCHOOL him! (quietly) Don't be mean though. Roman: Fantasy worlds are my jam, bro ham. Logan: Listen, I'm just doing my best over here. Roman: BOOM. Logan: You guys-- So, what's the plan here? [Thomas: We're gonna sort you! Virgil: Sort me? Thomas: Well sure, I myself am a Hufflepuff but you all are different facets of my personality with different strengths and weaknesses. It may take some discussion, but I am sure that we can thoughtfully deduce where each of you-- Roman: *points to himself* GRYFFINDOR, (cuts to Patton) HUFFLEPUFF, (cuts to Logan) RAVENCLAW, (cuts to Virgil) SLYTHERIN. There we go! End of Sanders Sides video (to camera) until next time everyone. *exits* Patton: (softly) Oh yay! *exits* Logan: Thank God. *exits* Thomas: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH! Patton: *enters biting his lip* Virgil: Why am I a Slytherin? What are the qualifications? Roman: Well, you're the... you're the dark and sinister one. Thomas: Pump the BRAKES, Princey! That is not what qualifies a Slytherin! Roman: Well all the other houses are definitely taken by us so it's the only one he could possibly fit into. Thomas: And that is a great example of what we are NOT going to do with Virgil. Logan: OK look, fantasy is not my jam, my jam of choice *pulls up a jar of jam* is Crofter's, and this video isn't even sponsored, I'm just a fan. Crofter's, the only jelly I will put in my belly. Thomas: ... what... was that? Roman: Yeah, I mean *pulls up his own jar of jam and a spoonful of jam in the other hand* I love me a spoonful of Crofter's, but that was a little out of left field, Logan. *eats the jam* Thomas: WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Logan: *tosses the jar* Fruit spreads aside, I've done some thinking on this fantasy organization process this, eh Dobby decimal system. Roman: Nice. Logan: Thanks. Whether or not the result of these quizzes that determine which Hogwarts houses one belongs to are authentic, they can reinforce someone's sense of self so if this is necessary to help Virgil feel better about himself, then I support it. With that said, let's break down these houses, shall we? Thomas: Sure. You uh, you have Gryffindor. Roman: The brave ones! Thomas: Well, yeah, but that's an oversimplification. They're also determined and chivalrous. Virgil: (half whispering) And this is the one Roman thinks he's in? Roman: Yeah... duh. Thomas: Then there's Ravenclaw, typically known as the wise and clever ones. Logan: Ah that is me isn't it? Roman: The ones who think they're smarter than everyone else. Logan: Well I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else... I KNOW I'm smarter than everyone else. Roman: -deep sigh- Thomas: Then there's Hufflepuff, the loyal and friendly ones. Patton: (in a high-pitched voice) Oh is that what you think of me, Roman? Roman: Well yeah, you're the softest little puffball we got, Padre. Virgil: You don't have to be mean to him-- Patton: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU ROMAN! Roman: See? Thomas: And then there is Slytherin who, yes get a rep in the books for being the bad guys but, they're mainly known for being ambitious, cunning, strong leaders. Virgil: But that... that's not me. Roman: Ye- no. Hmm... What the heckity heck? Five abs and one pec! Logan: What a visual. Thomas: What was that? Roman: Just a little something I like to say when I'm confused so that I'm not alone in my confusion, see, it works. Virgil is not a Slytherin! Patton: Aw darn... it was so close to being perfect. Virgil: Sorry to ruin that for you. Logan: You didn't ruin anything. Patton: If you keep talking bad about yourself I am going to physically fight you! Thomas: No, no that is the opposite of helpful, Patton. Patton: (aggressively) Nobody talks about my child like that. Thomas: Ok, o-ok buddy. Patton: *stares intently at Virgil and gestures that he's watching him* Thomas: They are right though, Anxiety I mean this is why I think this is a good exercise. Maybe this will help me to look at my aspects from different angles. Maybe it's not so simple. Roman: *rubbing his temples* Ugh.. why is it never simple? Logan: Yes, for instance, you Roman sound more like a Slytherin. Roman: *a Slytherin hat appears on his head* What? I do not! Logan: Oh so you don't think you're a strong leader? You don't think you're cunning? Roman: I'm not evil! Virgil: Says who? Thomas: Slytherins are not all evil. ok? Let's just get rid of that idea right now. Roman: But... Voldemort... Patton: (hushed) Don't say his name! Roman: (looking hard at Logan and sneering) Well Patton seems more like a Ravenclaw to me. Patton: *a Ravenclaw hat appears on his head* Ooh it's blue. Logan: Umm... that doesn't follow at all. Patton: Indubiously. Roman: Well he's always the one coming up with those witty puns. Logan: You call those witty? Patton: You call those glasses? Logan: I mean yes, I'm not sure if you're implying something's-- Patton: Well I don't think they'll pick up they don't have a cell phone! ZING! -laughs- Logan: -deeply exhales- Ok I-I'm gonna walk that off for a second. Thomas: There it is. Good. See this is what I mean by rethinking qualities. Patton: Logan seems more like a Griffindor! Logan: *a Griffindor hat appears on his head and he storms back into position* You see Patton makes statements like that and you think HE is a Ravenclaw!? Roman: Uh why is that now, Patton? Patton: Because he's my hero. *swooning* Logan: (clapping with each syllable) We get it. You're adorable. Thomas: You know Patton may have a point I mean Hermione was a Griffindor and she was the smartest of them all. Gryffindors are also known to have short tempers which I think could apply to both of you. Roman: SHUT UP! Logan: FALSEHOOD! Virgil: I did not miss that. Logan: Gryffindors are self-righteous and arrogant. Roman: Oh ok Patton, I wasn't totally convinced before but maybe Logan IS a Gryffindor. Virgil: I do see that. Patton: Right? Logan: (flustered) Also they are impulsive and have no regard for the rules, does that sound like me? And ALSO that would what- leave Anxiety as Hufflepuff? Virgil: *a Hufflepuff hat appears on his head* Thomas: Y- I mean you don't all have to be in different houses. Patton: Oh bu- w- w-, ah wo- w-, well wouldn't that be nifty? Virgil: How would I be a Hufflepuff? Patton: You are hard working. Roman: Working hard to make Thomas parano-VIGILANT. Paranovigilant d'you like that? I just made that word up just now I'm basically Shakespeare! Uh... Virgil: I don't work that hard. Patton: OH! Hufflepuffs are also modest. Virgil: Less modest, more self-deprecating. Patton: What's that? Virgil: I talk bad about myself. Patton: I will physically fight you! Logan: Hufflepuffs are also known to be honest and you certainly keep things 100. Thomas: That was nice Logan. Patton: Yup. Honest, patient, and impartial. Virgil: Impartial? Patton: Yep, they tend to not take sides unless given good reason to. Virgil: -laughs- One thing that I am certainly not in this group is impartial. I am always bringing up the cons to anything you guys talk about. Thomas: Oh I mean, I don't think that's exactly what Patton meant. Virgil: I don't know. Plus I'm hardly patient. Thomas: No biggie, if that's not what you feel you are- Patton: We can keep this magical mish-mash going. Prince can be Hufflepuff! Roman: *his red sash is replaced with a yellow one that says 'Hufflepuff', the hat disappears* Ok but this sorting has to make SOME sense. Patton: Cedric Diggory was a Hufflepuff and he was a tri-wizard champion (quietly) before he died. Roman: (mumbling) So was Harry and HE was a Gryffindor. Thomas: And Hufflepuffs are said to make the best companions. Roman: (intrigued) ...In a romantic sense? Thomas: Why not? Patton: They're also particularly good finders. Virgil: And you are very good at finding new ways to insult me. Roman: (mildly offended/worried) Nooo, hey! Virgil: Not this time around, relax, I noticed the effort you're good. Roman: (relieved) Whew! Ok. Well, Logan... you COULD be the Slytherin of the group. Logan: *His tie is replaced with a green striped one, the hat disappears* Ooh, I actually understand that. Cunning, resourceful, a strong leader- Patton: - a disregard for the rules. Logan: Wait, what? No, that's Gryffindor. Thomas: It is Griffindor, but it's also Slytherin. Dumbledore did say that that was a trait Salazar Slytherin valued; a certain disregard for the rules. Logan: That was a Griffindor talking about a Slytherin. I spy an obvious bias. Thomas: Ok but it was Severus Snape who said that Gryffindors have no regard for the rules so, maybe they both do, maybe just one does, maybe they both don't. We could do this all day so let's just move on. Virgil: Patton could be Gryffindor. Patton: *his shirt is replaced with a red striped one, the hat disappears* -gasp- (whispered) Ooooh I look like a pirate! Roman: Explain. Logan: Please. Virgil: I don't know, he's Thomas' heart, he just seems like the most impulsive and reckless at times. I mean we're constantly working to rein him in. Thomas: (points to Virgil) Good point! See that was a really good point to you. Also, valid argument Virgil. Patton: Alright, so you must be... a Ravenclaw. Virgil: *His shirt is replaced with a blue one which says 'Wise', the hat disappears* I mean maybe... Logan: If anyone else here was going to be Ravenclaw... I would think it would be you. Roman: You are definitely a bit eccentric. Patton: You're the common sense we need. Thomas: You cause me to think through all possible outcomes to any given situation. Patton: You've always been a savvy Sybill Trelawney. Virgil: I suppose but... I don't know I'm just the one who points out the problems. Ravenclaws are the ones who are innovative enough to actually solve the problems. Thomas: What are you talking about? You've done that before. Virgil: By accident. Or by drawing upon information that you already knew. Thomas: So... you're saying that one's also an... uncomfortable fit? Virgil: I don't think it fully sums me up. Roman: -sigh- Perhaps you're right. We've found certain traits that we can relate to but, maybe it's best we stick with where we feel most comfortable. Logan: Well... If we went solely by that, *his tie changes back and he stands in a Ravenclaw robe* then this seems the most accurate to me. Patton: *his shirt changes back and he stands in a Hufflepuff robe* This feels the most right for me! Roman: *his sash changes back and he stands in a Gryffindor robe* Yeah, no surprise here you guys, ah! Thomas: Virge? How you feelin'? Virgil: I'm not sure... Roman: Well, uh, they don't all have to be different. Uh... Does Griffindor feel best for you? Virgil: *his shirt changes back and he stands in a Gryffindor robe* One thing I feel I'm not is reckless. Roman: Ah, fair point. Virgil: *He stands in a Hufflepuff robe* I'm not impartial, and frankly, not very friendly. Patton: (mouths) I will fight you. Virgil: *He stands in a Ravenclaw robe* I'm a problem identifier, but not a problem solver. Logan: *goes to correct him but then stops* Virgil: *He stands in a Slytherin robe* And then there is what everyone expects me to be... but I don't feel like an ambitious, cunning, leader. I feel more like a play it safe evasive worrier... so what does this mean? I went into this hoping it would make better sense of it all but now I'm even more confused than ever. Thomas: so you don't quite fit into any of the houses perfectly, big deal! You know who could have been in Slytherin OR Gryffindor? Harry freaking Potter. Logan: Hermionie was going to be in Ravenclaw but exemplified Gryffindor traits more. Patton: Neville wanted to be in Hufflepuff because he didn't see the Gryffindor traits in himself at all! Roman: You guys are making me feel really good about my house, thank you! Thomas: The point is, there are examples of people who toe the line between multiple categories ant they fit however they wanna fit. Virgil: But I don't fit, that's the thing. Patton: Says who? Logan: You can be a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies, you could be a Slytherin with Gryffindor tendencies- no, wait, not that one. Patton: You can be Raphael AND Donatello! Logan: Well that's mixing metaphors, let's not confuse the issue. Roman: A water bender AND an earth bender! Logan: O-only if you were the Avatar, I thought we were talking about Harry Potter- Thomas: You're a Greyjoy... and you're a Stark. Logan: Thomas, you don't even watch Game of Thrones h-how do you-?! Roman: You should though it's so good. Thomas: Yeah I've heard. Virgil: I think I'm getting it guys. It's just I wish that I was a little bit more simple to understand. Thomas: Oh who wants that? No one is or should be that simple, I mean just the fact that my Hufflepuff self is comprised of so many aspects and passions is amazing. Figuring yourself out should be an adventure. And in the meantime, don't be afraid to stand out a little. Embrace your differences. Heck, I dyed my hair this saucy shade of sangria for a change and I like feeling a bit unique. Hopefully, you can too. Virgil: -sighs- ...well... *his robe disappears* Then I'm not picking a house. I don't need to belong to a specific Hogwarts house... in order to belong with you guys. Patton: AAAAAAAAAW! I'm proud of you. Roman: TEN POINTS TO... uh, um, Virgil! Logan: *taking off his robe* That was an option? I didn't have to participate in that at all? Roman: Say, Thomas, your hair and these emblems have given me an idea. Thomas: Roman, make it work... Roman: I say we go through a bit of a change too. Patton: *taking off his robe* Ooh, how? Logan: If you say mind palace again, we haven't even been BACK to the one you created in a long- oh that's nice. Roman: *turns around in the season two outfit* Hm! Patton: Oh, new emblem thingy. Thomas: Aw, Prince 2.0 my goodness. Patton: Your shoulders were so boring to look at before. Roman: Yeah it's just a bit of a change but I thought it would be nice. Logan: Well I suppose I could also participate but I will not go as ornate or elaborate, I would just look silly. Roman: I set the bar too high for you, that's ok. Logan: *he clears his throat and reveals a new tie and shirt, very similar to the last one* There. Nice simple logo change, clear and to the point. Patton: Hey Logan! *Patton has a new logo and a onesie wrapped around his shoulders* Matching logos! Logan: That's... very nice Patton. Patton: Mine is a HEART with glasses. Logan: Stealing my logo. No big deal. Roman: What's going on with your cardigan? Logan: Is that your cat onesie? Patton: Maaaybe? *pulls up a hood to reveal it is indeed his cat onesie* Logan: Arg, that will not suffice. Patton: UGH! you never let me do anything fun! Roman: Figure it out buddy, maybe something different for next time. Patton: Virgil your turn! Virgil: Oh my goodness, do I have to? I mean, like, so many changes- I just told you my name. Roman: No, no you DON'T have to, I just thought- Virgil: I actually, agh, I actually had this idea, but, like, it's a little out there. So, um... Thomas: Go ahead, I mean if you don't like it you can always change back. Virgil: -sighs- Well, alright but um, before I do I should probably confess that uh... *He appears in a purple shirt with an elaborately designed purple patchwork hoodie* I actually really dig the purple. Patton: WHOAAAA- Logan: That design... Patton: -OOOAAAAA- Thomas: Get on his level. Patton: -AAAAA- (Coughing fit) Roman: You good Patton? Patton: I got overexcited... Logan: Well I will say this much, that is a jacket. Roman: That is... magnificent...how you've managed to become even angstier. Virgil: Oh-kay... Roman: No no no, if that's what you want to uh... rock then you... rock it, sir! Who needs a Hogwarts house when you've got your own hog wild style... I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Virgil: Yeah, it is, uh, pretty Hog-wild... *shakes his head* Logan: Wonderful. I hope that you feel a little bit more like a part of this group, Virgil. Virgil: I- uh, I do. Logan: I'd say that we can call it a day if we're done swapping looks. *exits* Roman: And talking books. *exits* Logan: *Re-enters* I prefer reading in a nook. *exits* Roman: *Re-enters* That response has me shook. *exits* Patton: Would you look at the time on the... clook *exits* Thomas: Patton, the video is about doing your own thing. So- don't... do what they're doing- Honestly, anyway great new style, Virgil Virgil: Thanks. Now I feel as big of a weirdo as the rest of these guys. Thomas: That's good, you fit right in! Virgil: Ah, I saw what you did there, a nice, little "bring it around full circle." That was cute. *exits* Thomas: Yeah, I couldn't help myself. (to camera) If any of you feel like you don't fit in, that is ok. It's also ok if, whatever Hogwarts house you identify with doesn't perfectly embody you as an individual. There are many ways to look at ourselves and figuring ourselves out can be an ongoing thing for many of us. Try to embrace the mystery that you are. All the things that help you to relate to others, and all the things that make you stand out. Until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non- binary pals. PEACE OUT! *new scene* Thomas: Before we enter the end card, just letting you know, if any of those little logos at the end of the video interested you, we now have them in shirt form. Also, in hoodie form, tank top, pins, buttons. If any of these things interest you, you can go to this website down here or click that link right over there. Any support would be great, it would help us to make future videos, but if not, don't feel obligated. No big deal. Just you guys watching is support enough, so thank you so much. *end card* Patton: *wearing all the Hufflepuff things* Hey, do you think that we can wear the new stuff and the Harry Potter stuff, like, all the time? Logan: *wearing all the Ravenclaw things* It seems a bit excessive. Virgil: *wearing Slytherin tie* It's not my house, but purple and green seem to go together, right? Roman: *wearing all the Gryffindor things* Boy, it's a good thing that all this Harry Potter merchandise is just a figment of Thomas' imagination that he can just freely conjure up! Logan: Oh, I know. Could you imagine how much money one would have to spend in order to have all these things for one simple video? Roman: -laughs- Logan: Humorous. Simply Humorous. Patton: -joins laughter- Roman: (Laughing) Could you imagine? (Continues to laugh) Virgil: *looks directly into the camera and raises his eyebrows* Logan: *eating a spoonful of jam* Mmm. Crofter's. Roman: Oh my! Patton: That'd be silly. Category:Transcripts